


A Long Way Forward

by Inkera



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of Spinel, Recovery, Steven accidently gives Pearl an order
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:34:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24491362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inkera/pseuds/Inkera
Summary: A slip of the tongue was all it took for the order to kick in. The gems deal with the fallout.Based on an idea I suddenly had one night. What if Steven had the ability to give Pearl orders like his mother could?-Tumblr: inkera0
Relationships: Amethyst & Garnet & Pearl & Steven Universe, Amethyst & Pearl (Steven Universe), Amethyst & Steven Universe, Garnet & Pearl (Steven Universe), Pearl & Steven Universe
Comments: 16
Kudos: 102





	A Long Way Forward

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, this was a purely self-indulgent fic, I admit it. Lots of angst but also hurt/comfort. Why can’t I write anything happy for once?

It happened without warning - just a casual phrase tossed over the shoulder while the four of them were walking along the beach toward the city.

The sun was setting, half covered below the horizon, signaling the approaching start of Pearl’s technology night class. Although she preferred hosting most classes during the day, there were a few gems who weren’t yet comfortable with Earth’s sun, and Pearl wanted to be as accommodating as possible. Steven and Amethyst were headed to a night game of baseball, which quickly became a weekly tradition ever since they set up lights on the field. Garnet was just tagging along for a calming stroll along the beach. She liked to watch the sunset, and it was even better when watching with friends. 

Pearl was going over the class itinerary in her mind, tuning out the conversation between Steven and Amethyst occurring up ahead, Garnet trailing a little behind them and just in front of Pearl. 

“Six thousand years, huh?” Amethyst kicked a rock buried in the sand into the ocean with a plunk.

“Yep,” replied Steven, accentuating the ‘p’ with a pop of his lips.

“And Pink didn’t tell anyone?”

“Nope.”

“Wild.”

Their voices carried over the soft sound of the whitewash upon the shore, but Pearl had other things in mind. Maybe she should introduce electronic tablets soon, Pearl thought to herself. The class were nearly experts at using cell phones at this point, and they could accomplish even more with a tablet, like managing their schedules with a calendar app or creating meep morps with that new drawing app Lapis showed her. 

“I was alone in the Kindergarten for hundreds of years, but I can’t imagine standing in the same spot for thousands more.” 

“She had a lot of faith in mom.”

“I did, too, but… not enough to stay there just ‘cause she said so.”

“Spinel was made to be a companion. She didn’t really have a choice.”

Pearl thought back to her experiences video chatting with Bismuth. Teaching the larger gem how to use a tablet was surprisingly easy, considering the other gem’s experience with larger deadly weapons. Although, thinking back to their interactions during the war, Bismuth was quick at picking things up when tools or equipment were involved. Maybe one day when Bismuth got more familiar with human technology, Pearl could bring the larger gem to class to help teach, especially since everyone at Little Homeschool seemed to love her infectious enthusiasm. The memory of Bismuth’s confused expression filling the screen as she tried to figure out where the camera was brought a smile to Pearl’s face. 

“But like, a best friend, right?” Amethyst sighed. “Being a companion is different from being a servant that obeys every order.”

“Maybe it was kinda both. But I feel that would be too personal to ask about.”

“Yeah, for sure.”

“I mean, I know Pearl said when their owner makes an order, pearls have to obey no matter what.”

Pearl raised her head at the mention of her name, brows furrowed in confusion as she tried to put together snippets of the conversation she’d been largely tuning out. Garnet was walking in front, arms crossed and gazing out into the sea, but Pearl knew from experience the fusion was as attentive as ever. 

“But what about spinels, though? I’ve never even heard of those gems before she attacked us.” Amethyst huffed, jumping over a small dilapidated sand castle that’s probably been there for the past few days, battered by the tide. 

Steven hummed thoughtfully. “I mean, say a diamond said, ‘Pearl, I order you to stay in that spot and not say anything,’ and the pearl would have to do it, right? But if she said it to a spinel, the spinel wouldn’t necessarily _have_ to do it the way pearls do. It’s different but similar.” 

No one noticed how Pearl’s body froze up mid step, or how her hands flew up to cover her mouth. The other gems kept walking. 

“Okay, I guess that makes sense.” 

“Like, imagine being _made_ to be someone’s best friend. You’d want to do everything in your power to make them happy, even to the point of self-destruction, right? Because nothing but your purpose would matter at that moment, especially if you haven’t had any contact with any other gems.” 

“Yeah, well… I’m just glad she’s not stuck there anymore.”

“Me too.”

Amethyst made a noise of disgust. “Still, that’s _suuuuper_ messed up. Is that why Pearl couldn’t do anything against Pink Diamond’s order?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s so not cool.”

Pearl tried to move her legs but found an invisible force holding her in place. The familiar helplessness sent a shiver down her spine, but she clenched her eyes to focus, fighting the seal on her mouth with all of her might.

If she could just call out to Steven to rescind the order, everything would be okay. 

“Amethyst,” Garnet warned. Her low voice from up ahead was barely heard over the waves and the painful pounding in Pearl’s head. “Have a little tact.” 

“What? I’m just saying. It was messed up.” Amethyst tilted her head back to glance at the fusion out of the corner of her eye. “And it just sucks she had to deal with that.”

“Sorry Garnet,” said Steven, scratching his head in embarrassment. “And sorry Pearl, for bringing it up.” 

“It’s okay, Steven.” Garnet replied, but they received no answer from the alabaster gem.

“Pearl?” Amethyst’s face scrunched in confusion. “Sorry I was being dumb. Are you okay?” She spun on her heel to look for the gem in question, and when she saw her frozen in the sand fifty feet back with hands clasped over her mouth, Amethyst gasped. “Pearl!”

She took off back down the beach, and Steven and Garnet raced after when they laid eyes on what she saw. 

Steven was the first to get there, skidding to a stop before the frozen gem. “Pearl, are you okay?! What’s wrong?”

Pearl could do nothing but frantically shake her head, her replies muffled behind clasped hands.

“Why can’t you answer?” Amethyst tried to pry her hands away but was surprised at the other gem’s strength when they didn’t budge an inch, as if welded to her mouth. “Just say something!”

Garnet held Amethyst back by the arm to prevent her from trying again. “Hold on. Let me try.” She stepped in front of a panicking Steven and Amethyst, bending down to bring herself to eye level with Pearl, laying a hand on her thin shoulder. “Was it something we said?” 

Pearl nodded, shooting a grateful look toward the fusion. 

Garnet continued. “Me?” 

Pearl shook her head. 

“Amethyst?” 

Another shake.

“Steven?”

Pearl nodded.

“W-What did I say?” Steven spoke up, trying to move toward the alabaster gem before being stopped by Garnet’s hand. “Did I hurt you by bringing up Pink Diamond? I'm sorry, I should’ve been more considerate.” 

Pearl shook her head again, letting out a muffled frustrated noise.

“Could it be…?” Garnet trailed off, playing the conversation back in her head just to make sure. “Was it the order Steven gave?”

Pearl frantically nodded.

“Order?” said Steven. “What order?!”

Garnet phased her visor away to look the boy in the eyes, placing a calming hand on his shoulder to ground and comfort him for the following words. “Before, when you were talking about the difference between pearls and spinels, you said, ‘Pearl, I order you to stay in that spot and not say anything.’”

“But… that doesn’t make any sense!” Steven sputtered, looking wildly from Garnet to Pearl and back again at the fusion. “I’m not her _owner_. She doesn’t belong to anyone!” 

“It must be a residual effect from your mother’s gemstone,” Garnet said gently. “But you’ll have to take it back for Pearl to be free, okay? And be as specific as possible.”

“Okay.” Steven’s eyes burned with tears when he turned toward the alabaster gem. He couldn’t meet her eyes when forcing the words out that tasted like ash on his tongue. “Pearl, I order you to be free from any orders… and not take any more orders from me.”

Pearl stumbled forward as her legs gave out, hands dropping from her mouth to brace herself against the sand rushing up to meet her, before Garnet appeared in front to steady her and keep her upright. “Thank you, Steven,” she gasped out. “And Garnet.”

Steven launched himself toward Pearl, engulfing her in a bone-crushing hug. “I’m so sorry, Pearl.” His frantic voice was muffled at her shoulder. “I hope you can forgive me.” 

“It wasn’t your fault, Steven.” She returned the hug and scrunched her eyes shut, trying to shake off the memories that came rushing back. She let her fingers affectionately thread through the younger boy’s hair, trying to keep her voice even. “Of course I forgive you.” 

“I didn’t mean to.” Steven’s breath hitched. “I’m so stupid. Why didn’t I realize?”

“No, no, Steven. You couldn’t have known.”

“I’m not my mom.” The boy sobbed hard, and Pearl felt a damp spot growing on her shoulder.

“Shh, I know, I know,” she whispered comfortingly, pulling his shaking body closer to her chest. Pearl was afraid of opening her eyes to meet what she knew would be worried looks from Amethyst and Garnet. Instead, she buried her face into Steven’s hair and tried to ignore the creeping anxiety in her stomach. Pearl knew Steven didn’t mean to - would _never_ mean to - but that old, detested feeling of helplessness, the obedience that snapped to attention from the deepest parts of her she thought were long buried, shook her to her very core. 

Pearl also knew if she ever showed Steven how affected she was, he would never forgive himself, so she swallowed the rising dread and rubbed a hand up and down his back, which was shuddering from the boy’s sobs. 

_Please, let’s never speak of this again. No one can know._

Her hands started to tremble when a memory flashed behind her clenched eyelids. 

“Hey buddy,” Amethyst cut in gently, rubbing a calming hand on Steven’s back, and Pearl couldn’t have felt more grateful in that moment. “Why don’t we go back home? We can skip the game tonight.” 

“But…”

“C’mon, let’s watch that movie I taped the other day. I’ll even get you some ice cream.” 

“That... sounds good. But only if Pearl will be okay.” Steven reluctantly pulled away from Pearl’s embrace, wiping at his eyes with the sleeves of his varsity jacket. He raised his watery eyes to Pearl’s with an unspoken question.

“I’ll be fine, don’t you worry.” Pearl managed to force a convincing smile. “Enjoy your movie and ice cream.” 

Amethyst draped an arm around his shoulder before he could answer. She turned to steer the boy back toward the house, but not before sending a concerned look to Pearl, communicating with her eyes about a conversation they’ll definitely be having later.

As their footsteps receded and they turned the corner and out of sight, Pearl let out a shaky breath before nearly jumping out of her skin when a hand landed on her shoulder. She forgot Garnet was still there, silently watching in the background. 

“I know you’re not okay,” said Garnet, as Pearl opened her mouth. “So don’t bother.” 

“Can’t get anything past you.” Pearl didn’t mean for the words to come out with a bite, but they slipped past her lips before she could think. 

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it,” replied Garnet, unperturbed and patient as ever. “But I’m here for you.” 

“Thank you, Garnet.” Pearl gave an apologetic, sincere smile. She was so lucky to have such great friends, and they didn't deserve all the pain she tended to force upon them. “I really appreciate it, and I’d take you up on the offer if I wasn’t going to be late for class.” The sun had set a while ago, and the only light came from the distant boardwalk and the full moon hanging in the sky. 

“I’m sure your students won’t mind if you take the night off.”

“They rely on me. I need to deliver.” Pearl fidgeted with the edge of her jacket, unable to meet her friend’s eyes. “Besides, it’ll help me take my mind off things.” 

“Sit with me.” Garnet plopped herself in the sand cross legged and facing the sea, patting the space next to her. “Just for a few minutes.”

Pearl considered declining and continuing on her way toward the city warp pad, but it felt like running away, and she was done with all that. So she sat next to her friend, folding her legs under her, and watched the waves creep along the shoreline. The sand’s lingering warmth from the day was oddly comforting beneath her palms.

Silence stretched unnervingly between the two, and Pearl knew it was because the other gem was waiting for her to say something first. “I know it’s not his fault.”

Garnet hummed in acknowledgement. 

“But when I was frozen in place, unable to speak, it brought back… so many things. Things that were already dealt with.” Pearl shifted, pulling her knees to her chest and resting her chin on them. “When Steven was able to uncover the secret I’ve been holding for thousands of years, it felt like a weight was lifted from my chest. There wasn't anything hidden between us anymore. When Rose… left, I was finally able to grow and become an independent gem, like we were always fighting for.”

A chilly breeze rolled past, scattering sand grains over her feet, while Pearl watched in disinterest beneath the pink tresses that blew over her eyes.

“I’ve changed and healed, Garnet. At least, I thought I did.”

“Healing isn’t always so straightforward,” said Garnet, trailing her fingertips through the warm sand, making curved grooves. “In fact, it rarely is. Being pushed back a step doesn’t erase the hundreds of other steps you’ve taken forward.” 

“This wasn’t a small stumble backward.” Pearl let out a weak laugh. “This was being shoved into a deep, dark hole.” 

“And you’ll claw your way back out into the light because that’s who you are, Pearl.” Garnet turned to the smaller gem, a genuine smile gracing her face. “You’re a fighter through and through.” She nudged Pearl teasingly. “Isn’t that right, _Terrifying Renegade_?” 

Pearl laughed, even as her eyes burned with unshed tears. “Gosh, I haven’t heard that name in a long time.” 

“It suits you.” 

“Thank you,” whispered Pearl, as the tears finally fell, tracking down her cheeks, shimmering in the moonlight. “I think I just needed a reminder.” 

“I don’t think we say it enough, but we’re all so proud of you.” Garnet put an arm around the smaller gem’s shoulder and pulled her into a hug. “You’ve come a long way.”

“We all have,” Pearl admitted, letting her head rest on her friend’s shoulder. 

Just over two years ago, she was a mess of raw emotion and unresolved grief, lashing out at everyone and anything when Rose was involved in some shape or form. She caused her family a lot of hurt, but she crawled her way back with their help and patience, and now the thought of Rose didn’t have the same weight to it that it used to. 

Garnet was more at home with herself now after her wedding, even being comfortable enough to split every so often so her components could go after their individual ambitions. Amethyst was filled with a newfound confidence that showed in everything she did - a long shot from the gem who doubted herself and her abilities for being created differently.

Steven wasn’t the same wide-eyed child trailing in their footsteps. He grew into a strong young adult that saved the galaxy from an oppressive regime through the power of love - and Pearl couldn’t be more proud of the boy she’d always thought of as a son.

A fresh wave of tears spilled from her eyes, but a glance at her phone startled her into action. “Shoot, now I’m _really_ going to be late.” Pearl sniffed, scrubbing at her cheeks with her hands before moving to stand up.

“Pearl,” stated Garnet in the same scolding tone she usually directed at people when they’re about to do something dumb. “They won’t mind. Trust me.” 

“I wrote up a lesson plan last night,” said Pearl, breath hitching between words, but she still plopped back down beside her friend, trying to rub the flowing tears away. “If I don’t go, we won’t get to go over tablets until next week.” 

“Come here.” Garnet pulled the smaller gem into an embrace, who wrapped her arms around Garnet’s waist, burying her face into the fusion’s neck. “It’ll be okay.”

“I... I guess I can send a mass text,” Pearl mumbled into the other gem, as her chest shuddered alongside her crying. “I just… feel like I’m failing them. Like I’m failing all of you.”

“You’re doing great, Pearl.” Garnet whispered into her hair, bringing another sob out of the smaller gem. “Just let yourself _be_.” 

The two gems sat on the beach long into the night in preparation for the oncoming sunrise and a new day. Pearl knew moving forward would be difficult, even after how far she’d come, but she knew her family would be there every step of the way - a long way forward and into the future.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this episode of Crying Breakfast Friends. I have a lot of Feelings™ about Pearl, in case you couldn’t tell.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Love you all, and stay safe out there.


End file.
